WASHINGTON, DC — After being accused by some of lacking viewpoint diversity, leadership at NPR now says that they always strive to feature a broad range of opinions from slightly Communist to very Communist.

"The American public, through an act of Congress establishing NPR, has placed a sacred trust in us to inform them of the broad range of views their fellow Americans hold, from slightly Communist all the way to very Communist," said NPR CEO Catherine Maher. "We don't take that trust lightly and we will continue to hold true to our North Star: diversity of views within the very broad, progressive spectrum that covers a wide range of Communist opinions.

The reassuring statement comes at a time when a 25-year NPR veteran editor resigned after he accused the media organization of only catering to a very narrow segment of the population who holds to one very narrow viewpoint.

"We will continue to maintain the quality of our editorial process and the integrity of our journalists, whether they be Social Democrats, Anti-Capitalists, or even Anarcho-Communists," continued the dear leader of NPR. "Leninists, Bolsheviks, Democratic Party Members, Labour Party Members, cultural Marxists, syndicalists, LGBTQIA2S+ activists, feminists, environmentalists, furries — People from all stripes of progressivism are welcome to contribute here at NPR. You know, some of our younger hires even voted for Bernie Sanders in the last election, can you believe that? Crazy kids!"

At publishing time, the janitor at NPR was seen straightening a giant glorious portrait of Joe Biden hanging on the wall above the newsroom.

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