Life
Not Satisfied With Just Having Summers Off, Teachers Push For Fall, Winter, Spring

U.S.—Studies have shown teachers are the laziest people on the planet, only working nine months and doing absolutely nothing for three months of the year. What's more, when they do work, teachers wander into school at 7 and go home at 2, having done nothing all day but press play on Bill Nye the Science Guy VHS tapes.

But having summers off isn't enough for the ungrateful public "servants": teachers are looking to leverage the pandemic into getting the other three seasons off too.

"I am just way overworked having to go in nine months out of the year," said Mrs. Mosley, a third-grade teacher from Seattle. "Can't we get the fall off? And when winter rolls around, I mean, it's cold. Who wants to go to work in the winter? This is the problem with capitalism: you have to work for food and money."

"And don't get me started on spring: it's so nice outside. Forcing teachers to work in spring is tyranny of the highest order. It's like, um... hang on, let me think of a literary reference."

She pulled out her phone and googled "fictional villains."

"It's like Voldemort in Harry Potter!" she said finally.

Teachers' unions are, of course, still demanding that the teachers be paid for their 12 months off.


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