NEW YORK, NY—Amid heavy criticism of recent hire Sarah Jeong to the editorial board of The New York Times, the newspaper announced Monday morning it would be changing its name to The Double Standard in order to better reflect the two sets of standards it uses to judge whether or not an offensive statement is racist.
The change took effect this morning, with the name serving as a helpful reminder for the wildly inconsistent benchmarks used to judge people of differing worldviews and races.
“See, we aggressively attack racism in all its forms all day long, but then we went and hired a woman who tweeted extremely racist things about white people,” wrote James Bennet, Editorial Page Editor, in a piece for the Standard explaining the name change. “To top it all off, we defended her and said we knew about the tweets going in, excusing her racist comments as simply satire, or just fighting fire with fire or something.”
“There was a lot of confusion over that whole thing. So we decided to just come right out and identify our ever-shifting double standard for readers right in the title of our esteemed paper.”
The paper will also now include a helpful tag on each article, identifying whether or not the subject of a piece is being held to the set of standards the paper uses for liberals, or the much different set of standards the paper uses for conservatives, religious people, and “really anyone not on board with a far-left agenda.”
At publishing time, the newly christened Double Standard had begun considering changing its name to The Quadruple Standard.
Breaking: Paypal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered Paypal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added Paypal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.