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New Study Confirms The Bible Supports Your Political Views Entirely

U.S.—A new study performed by LifeWay Research found that the Bible supports your political views entirely.

"Our study confirmed that every last verse of the Bible affirms every personal opinion you have about politics," said the head researcher, Dr. Bob Oppenheimer. "Even the ones that seem to contradict you -- if you study harder and do a few backflips, even these ones are excellent prooftexts for your beliefs about modern politics."

Researchers combed through the Bible but could not find a single verse that contradicts anything you believe politically. From your opinions on gun control and immigration to your hot takes on foreign policy and your well-informed viewpoint on trade deals, every single inch of the Bible affirms every position you take on politics.

"It's really quite incredible: you're perfectly right on everything, and the Bible will never challenge or contradict you. Your political viewpoints are special, beautiful, and perfect, just the way they are."

The study also found that your theology is more correct than the Bible's.

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