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New Program Helps People Of Color Adopt A White Liberal To Speak On Their Behalf

MENLO PARK, CA—A new nonprofit organization is teaming up with app developers to help people of color find and adopt white liberals to speak for them. The program is called Adopt A Voice and will help people of black and brown descent express what they truly desire, think, and mean to say.

"I signed up for it," said African American Bradley Trent from Columbus, Ohio. "They paired me up with a 37-year-old white girl named Claire who claims to be bisexual but as far as I can tell she just really likes cats." 

When asked what his opinion of the program was, Claire responded on Bradley's behalf, "Bradley is just so grateful to have his voice heard especially on key issues like women's right to choose, climate change, and especially trans issues."

Bradley later commented, "I had no idea that's what I meant to say. Amazing." 

"At Adopt a Voice we know that speaking and thinking for yourself can be challenging. We have a huge team of interpreters who know exactly what ethnic minorities are really thinking, what they really want, and what they really mean to say," said program director Eve Zohar. "We know that every person of color will thank us for what we say on their behalf, and if they don't they hate themselves."

To adopt a white liberal of your own, visit the Adopt A Voice website or download the app and sign up today.

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Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered PayPal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added PayPal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.

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