MINNEAPOLIS, MN — After a lengthy process to determine a new flag, the state of Minnesota unveiled its new official design, featuring a Muslim star and an inscription reading "From the River to the Sea, Dontcha Know."
"This new flag perfectly embodies what Minnesota has become," said Governor Tim Waltz when asked for comment on the new design. "Yes, we are ‘The Gopher State.' Yes, we are the ‘Land of 10,000 Lakes.' But here in 2023, we are now, first and foremost, the center of America's Islamic population. If anyone has any doubt, I welcome them to come pay us a visit wearing a yarmulka and see what happens."
Minnesota's previous state flag, the original version of which was adopted in 1893, has been the object of criticism for decades due to its depiction of a native man riding away from land being farmed by a white man. "People never fully understood the original seal," said historian Dr. Blake Rumsey. "While some may argue it is a depiction of the displacement of the land's indigenous people, it's actually just a drawing of the state's founder, John Minnesota, being impressed by his neighbor's horseback riding skills. Despite this, people just never stopped clamoring for a new design."
At publishing time, state officials expressed hope this new design will be the beginning of a prosperous new era for Minnesota. "This flag shows where we're headed in the future," Governor Waltz said. "Before you know it, we'll outlaw the education of girls and require burqas to be worn by women in public. All that, plus we're gradually getting rid of the Jews! It's the best place in the country, folks!"
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