U.S.—A new, leftist-approved stand-up comic will simply come on stage and say, "Everything you believe is correct" over and over again for a full two hours, sources confirmed Tuesday.
Progressives demanded someone come up with a solution after they noticed many stand-up comics were saying things they did not agree with. This was a real problem, they said, because that means they have to think about their beliefs or even lighten up about them a little bit.
Comedy has traditionally been a safe space, where you're sure that your beliefs will never be called into question, and liberals were looking for a way to get back to comedy's roots of not criticizing things you hold dear. So they developed James Bobby, a "safe space comic" who will not ever challenge your ideas.
"I go to a comedy club to have my beliefs reaffirmed repeatedly, not to laugh," said Sarah Bawlers from Minnesota. "There just isn't much to joke about in the age of Trump. What we need is stand-up comics who fearlessly tell me what I already know to be true---that my opinions are right."
The comic has been approved by various leftist organizations and is the only comedian who has been approved for shows at every college campus in America.