U.S.—Porn addiction has been entirely solved by a new law that requires all adult sites to serve up an image of Matt Walsh staring disapprovingly at the user.
The bill was signed into law by President Trump today, and porn addiction was instantly eradicated. As users attempted to log on to their favorite sites to view smut, Walsh's face appeared, staring at them in silent judgment. The millions of porn users in the nation slowly closed their laptops, switched off their smartphones, and powered down their PCs, electing instead to do something productive with their time.
"Yeah... I'm just not in the mood anymore," said one man in Wisconsin as he emerged from his parents' basement into the sunlight. "I guess I'll go see if I can find a job or something, maybe find me a wife. Heck, maybe I'll get my own place. I just don't have the appetite for pornography that I once I had."
A few stragglers powered through the images of Walsh, but the law anticipated this and served up a short video of Jordan Peterson telling them to clean up their act, and even these people reformed their ways.
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