U.S. — A newly established presidential debate rule will allow the two moderators to zap former president Donald Trump with a giant electric cattle prod anytime the mood strikes.
CNN has granted moderators Dana Bash and Jake Tapper the freedom to electrocute Trump at will throughout the event. "We believe it will be the best way to ensure Trump stays on topic and doesn't wander off into talking points that might make Joe Biden look incompetent," CNN producer Mike Lander said. "Not that we're biased against the former president or anything. But we definitely don't want to let Trump get away with persuading anyone to vote for him. If he does, zappy zappy!"
Debate organizers believe the electric cattle prod will ensure a fair and balanced discussion on the most pressing issues of the campaign trail. "I'm not at all excited to charge the former president with 10,000 volts of pure electricity anytime I feel the urge," Bash told members of the media. "I promise I am in no way fantasizing about it every second of every day."
At publishing time, organizers also granted the moderators use of the cattle prod if they saw President Biden start to drift off in one of his "power-up" moments.
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