KANSAS CITY, MO — After being notified that he was on a list of members needing to submit updated checks for criminal records to remain eligible to work in different areas of the church, one man pulled off a genius plan of committing a crime so he would fail his background check and get out of serving in the children's ministry.
Derrick Johnson, a longtime member of Grace Covenant Church, had been urged to redo his background check for the church's records, but instead chose to burglarize a local barbecue restaurant across the street from the church to sully his perfect record with an arrest and thereby disqualify himself from serving in kids' church.
"It was a brilliant move, honestly," one fellow churchgoer said. "Some of us were being asked to provide updated background checks, so we knew we were about to be asked to serve in the children's ministry. But Derrick's a sharp guy. He knew if he went and broke into a barbecue joint, his record would be flagged, and he'd get a free pass to never serve in kids. The man's a genius."
Johnson later confirmed that he had this planned for some time. "Yeah, I've known for a long time that I might be forced to go this route," he said. "I'm fine with it. I wasn't going to do anything really bad. Just enough to give myself a criminal record and avoid having to serve in the kids ministry in any capacity. Mission accomplished."
At publishing time, Johnson's plan had backfired after he was asked to instead serve as a greeter.
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