ANN ARBOR, MI—According to sources, some residents of a local upper-class suburb have accumulated "Black Lives Matter", "Hispanic Lives Matter", and "Asian Lives Matter" signs in their perfectly manicured front yards. Experts warn, however, that with the addition of more people groups every day, they are getting dangerously close to saying "All Lives Matter."
"We need to guard against this," said local sociology professor Dr. Cam Duncatilly as she added a "Trans Lives Matter" and "Indigenous Lives Matter" sign in her front yard. "We have to make sure that as we add more minorities, we stop short of the damnable heresy of 'All Lives Matter.'"
Some scientists have warned that affluent white suburbanites could run out of lawn space for all the signs very soon.
"Limited space is a growing concern," said Duncatilly-- who also identifies as a scientist.
Thankfully, a solution has been proposed to help cut down on yard signage. Many have discovered they can get the same message across by putting up a single sign that simply says "White Men Are The Worst".