CHAPPAQUA, NY — On Wednesday, a group of concerned neighbors nervously approached the old Clinton house and asked if there were any plans to put "all the dead bodies away."
"Haha, great decorations, hahaha," neighbors nervously called out to Hillary when they saw her emerge from the darkened home. "But when are you going to, uh, take them down? But I mean, it's okay if you don't haha, hahaha."
The home of the reclusive power couple has reportedly been decked out with corpses for the last twenty years, no doubt from Halloween seasons past, and neighbors are starting to consider it a real eyesore. Bodies have piled up on the lawn, seemingly caught in the final death throes from a variety of bizarre accidents.
"It's an elaborate display," admitted neighbor Frank Westchester. "I love it, but I think it's bringing down the value of our neighborhood to leave it like that year round."
According to sources, children routinely avoid the house except when daring each other to ring the doorbell, so it's unclear what purpose the decorations serve anyway. "If you ring the doorbell on All Hallow's Eve while saying 'Epstein' over and over, then Hillary will show up with a scythe and murder you!" a neighborhood kid told reporters. "No, it's real, I swear! It happened to my cousin Jeremy!"
Bill and Hillary Clinton could not be reached for comment, though they did make a taunting cutthroat gesture in the direction of reporters.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
