ROSEMONT, IL - The NCAA today charged the entire Big Ten Football Conference with a massive 70-yard delay of game penalty. The penalty comes after the conference delayed play for seven whole weeks.  

"It states it clearly in the rulebook right here," explained veteran referee Don Kinney as he pointed at the dusty rulebook. "'Any team, or group of teams, that sort of just stands around and does nothing for a month or two because they're a bunch of sissies who are afraid of getting sick will be charged a 5-yard delay of game penalty', just like in any normal game. In this case, we have the entire conference accumulating this massive, very embarrassing, 70-yard penalty."

There are six games on the Big Ten schedule Saturday, including matchups between Michigan and Minnesota, which should be a doozy, and Maryland and Northwestern, which is bound to be a barn burner. 

All Big Ten players will be required to wash their hands every three minutes during play, and coaches will be required to stand inside a plastic space bubble while doing the playcalling. A fifteen-yard facemask penalty will be charged to any player or coach who lets their mask slip below their nose. 

The Big Ten opened up play Friday night when Wisconsin hosted Illinois, one of the biggest rivalries on the schedule. Both Illinois and Wisconsin received 34 facemask penalties during the extremely suspenseful opener. The Badgers won the game 45-7.