U.S. - The men of the nation are "totally freaking out" about the omicron variant of the coronavirus after learning the symptoms are similar to the common cold. Husbands everywhere reported they are "deeply concerned" about the variant as they could end up in the bed with the sniffles.
"A common cold?! NOOOO!!!" shouted one husband in Iowa after learning he would suffer very mild flu-like symptoms should he contract the omicron variant. "We must lock down, flatten the curve, social distance, and quarantine!"
"I absolutely CANNOT handle getting the sniffles!" he added, arming himself with multiple cans of Lysol and hand sanitizer, triple-masking, and locking himself in the bedroom. His wife rolled her eyes and went about her life, sliding nachos under the door for him every few hours.
There have been no deaths reported from omicron as of yet, but a few dozen men certainly acted like they were dying.
Watch as a fired Twitter employee applies for her first *actual* job: