NORTH POLE—Beloved saxophonist Kenny G emerged from his snowy cave near the North Pole earlier this week to begin serenading the world with his smooth, soft saxophone notes.
"Let me play for you the song of my people," he said soothingly before playing the opening notes to "We Wish You a Merry Christmas". "Alright, we got it now!" Kenny G happily strode around the world, delighting children and adults alike across Europe, Africa, Asia, and North America (though he took a shortcut to go around the Middle East). Children clapped and cheered as they heard the notes of G's saxophone filtering in from beyond their town squares. People line the streets everywhere G goes spreading his Christmas cheer before he skips along to the next town.
G's emergence from his 11-month hibernation near the beginning of December has become a tradition for Christmas celebrators all around the world. Sometime after the New Year, he will return again to the North Pole and go back to his slumber until December finally rolls around again.
Gregory Ilinovich loves murdering people with illegal guns - so he's a bit concerned about all these new gun regulations. Luckily, he tends not to follow laws anyway.