U.S. — As an important moral lesson to children everywhere, fathers across the United States reminded their kids that it's never okay to lie unless it's being done to save a few bucks by ordering food from the kid's menu at restaurants.
"You should never be dishonest…unless we're out to eat," said Owen Gaffney, speaking on behalf of fathers everywhere. "Having integrity, being trustworthy, and being a man of your word is a vital bedrock for living a decent life. But if the kid's meal cheeseburger is cheaper, you're always going to be eight years old, got it?"
A consensus vote among American fathers agreed, pointing to challenging economic times and the importance of seizing opportunities to save $2.50 on a chicken nuggets combo as the deciding factors. "It's an easy workaround," said Caleb Olla, father of four children. "The price of feeding a family of this size at Chili's supersedes any need to be fully honest about your age. It's best to remain flexible in your honesty in certain areas of life."
This admission from fathers came after restaurant chains reported they had been seeing an increasing number of bearded children ordering from the kid's menus.
At publishing time, fathers also stressed that kids should be absolutely truthful in every other situation, with the exception of times when the family is going out to the movies and tickets are significantly cheaper for children under the age of 12.
Here is a comprehensive list of the only instances it is acceptable for men to shed a tear.