BLACK ROCK CITY, NV — President Biden has approved an emergency shipment of $40 billion worth of drugs be airdropped to stranded revelers at the Burning Man Festival.
"Look, Jack, we have 70,000 hippies stranded in tents in the middle of the desert with no uppers, downers, OR psychedelics," he noted from his beach chair in Delaware. "That's why I've asked Congress to declare a state of emergency and rush these much-needed drugs to Nevada immediately!"
Sources noted that supplies of illicit substances had been running low after heavy rains stranded attendees in the desert for several days. "Many of these folks only brought enough drugs for two days," a source at the festival noted. "As they remain stranded for the fourth day, people are beginning to reach critical levels of sobriety!"
A White House spokesman said President Biden has appointed his son Hunter to lead the operation. "Nobody knows more about obtaining and distributing drugs than the president's son," the spokesman said.
At publishing time, festival attendees complained that the emergency airdrop only seemed to contain $30 billion worth of drugs and that Hunter Biden was nowhere to be seen.
It's a serious medical emergency: you're minding your own business when you hear an opinion you slightly disagree with.