Celebs Politics
Nation's Conservatives Blame Ambien For Decision To Adopt Roseanne As Political Spokesperson

U.S—After Roseanne Barr’s recent rise to political stardom and subsequent implosion caused by a racist tweet, the nation’s conservatives almost immediately blamed prescription sedative Ambien for their poor decision-making in adopting her as a political icon for their movement.

Conservatives claim to have been “Ambien-politicking” when they made the decision to hold Roseanne up as some sort of cultural mascot, and asked for the country to “forget this ever happened.”

“Guys, we did something unforgivable so don’t defend us,” a leading conservative spokesperson said in a somber press conference. “It was two in the morning and we were on heavy doses of Ambien, so we decided to go ahead and throw all of our chips on Roseanne as our very own Hollywood political pundit. It was egregious and indefensible. We made a mistake we wish we hadn’t.”

Republicans further asked people not to try to defend their blunder.

At publishing time, the maker of Ambien had distanced itself from American conservatives with a tweet, saying “While all pharmaceutical treatments have side effects, impulsively installing an unstable, ill-informed celebrity as a political mascot simply because she vocally supports your president is not a known side effect of any Sanofi medication.”

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