U.S.
Nation's Baptists Begin Exodus To Promised Land Of D.C. Where Dancing Is Now Banned

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Baptists from around the country have left their hometowns to raise their families in Washington D.C. where Mayor Bowser has made dancing illegal. 

"We are so grateful to finally live in an area that supports our beliefs," said Baptist Deacon Dale Geisler. "We always thought D.C. was a swamp of evil and corruption, but it appears there has been a glorious spiritual revival with this new ban on dancing." 

D.C. was on edge this week as thousands of 15-passenger vans filled with homeschoolers rolled through the district. "We don't want their kind here," said one politician anonymously. "They'll bring their casseroles and their jean skirts and totally ruin the vibe around here."

Mayor Bowser was later forced to clarify that the dancing ban was a temporary measure to prevent COVID-- as well as all fun, human connection, and joy-- but it was too late as over 20,000 Baptist families had already taken up residence in neighborhoods and tent cities throughout the area. Baptists have expressed their plans to make D.C.'s ban on fun and dancing permanent. 

D.C. authorities are considering plans to relocate all the Baptist families before they start having tent meetings and baptizing everyone. 

There are 90 comments on this article.

You must become a premium subscriber or login to view or post comments on this article.