SILVER SPRING, MD — The National Association of Dogs issued a formal declaration Thursday confirming that they, as a collective, definitely deserve a little treat.
The announcement came during an emergency press conference which was briefly delayed after the NAD Chairman, a Golden Retriever named Barnaby, became distracted by a discarded piece of beef jerky.
"Our research is conclusive," Barnaby barked through a translator. "Whether we have successfully sat, stayed, or simply existed in a room for three consecutive minutes without taking a little bite of our owner's breakfast, the data show we are very good boys. Therefore, the immediate distribution of a dental chew or perhaps a small morsel of your bacon is not just a request. It's a matter of justice."
The 42-page manifesto argues that "goodness" is a self-evident truth, citing various instances of wagging tails and that one time they didn't bark at the mailman until he was actually on the porch.
Critics, mostly represented by the American Feline Union, dismissed the claim as "blatant populism," but the NAD remained firm.
At publishing time, the association had further resolved that if a treat is not provided within the next thirty seconds, they will be forced to stare at you with incredibly sad eyes until you crumble under the weight of your own guilt.
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