Nation Unsure Whether To Support Party That Runs Brain-Damaged Candidates Or Party That Loses To Brain-Damaged Candidates
Politics · Nov 9, 2022 ·

U.S. — Americans are doing lots of soul-searching after the midterms. According to reports, many are not sure if they want to be the kind of people who support a party running brain-damaged politicians or a party that loses to brain-damaged politicians.

"I mean, clearly the stroke victim is unfit for office, but if you can't beat him then doesn't that make you unfit for office?" wondered undecided voter Carl Weaver to himself as he saw election results. "And what kind of a party would dare run someone like that? Or dare lose to someone like that? Have they no shame?"

According to Google, searches have spiked since the election for things like "competent, coherent politicians in my state" as well as "what party runs candidates without mental handicaps, while simultaneously being more appealing than someone with a mental handicap?" So far, search results have come back empty, except for those users who live in Florida.

At publishing time, Carl decided he would just take option 3 and vote Independent, but he soon realized that all those candidates are both brain-damaged and unable to beat brain-damaged candidates.

It's a serious medical emergency: you're minding your own business when you hear an opinion you slightly disagree with.

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