SCRANTON, PA — With the midterm elections in the nation's rearview mirror, tens of millions of Americans are now left struggling to fill the void in their lives left by the glaring absence of political commercials.
"I'm just not sure how I'm supposed to just move on with my life now that I'm not inundated with wave after wave of political ads and unsolicited text messages," said Jonathan Hughes this morning as he stared blankly out his kitchen window. "What am I supposed to watch during the commercial breaks of ‘Survivor' every Wednesday? Geico ads?! Come on!"
Experts say voters will now be left to pick up the pieces and go on about their daily lives without the aid of a continual barrage of attack ads and political candidates making empty promises during every commercial break. "It's been less than 24 hours, but I keep finding myself longing to hear Dr. Oz's voice telling me ‘I'm Mehmet Oz, and I approved this message,'" said despondent citizen Jack Roberts. "I couldn't even tell what that Fetterman guy was saying most of the time, but not seeing 72 commercials of his every hour just leaves me feeling empty."
At publishing time, the American people were already gearing up for the 2024 election season and both political parties were eager to oblige them by starting to run their latest attack ads as soon as next week.
It's a serious medical emergency: you're minding your own business when you hear an opinion you slightly disagree with.