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Nation Surprised To Learn Oscars Happened Last Night

U.S.—Expressing a mixture of confusion and indifference, millions of American citizens reported surprise Monday after learning that the Oscars happened last night.

“Oh,” one woman from Denver told reporters upon being informed that the 90th Academy Awards ceremony took place Sunday night. “Are you sure it was last night? I guess I didn’t know.”

“Yeah, I used to watch the Oscars, I think,” a man from Detroit said. “Or was it the Grammys? Which one is the music one?”

Interviews with myriad other citizens echoed these reactions, with popular responses ranging from “I didn’t know the Oscars were on last night” to “I’d rather die than watch a building full of rich, self-important virtue signalers lecture me while patting themselves on the back for three hours.”

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