Politics U.S.
Nation Longs For More Civilized Age When Politicians Settled Disputes With Pistols

U.S.—Upon looking at the bleak, uncivilized nature of our political discourse, millions of people across the nation announced Thursday they are feeling nostalgic for a more refined time when politicians just shot each other with pistols to resolve their differences.

The nation dreamily looked back at the time before all these brutish tactics invaded our politics, and politicians just shot one another in broad daylight like civilized human beings.

"Frankly, it'd beat all the protesting and swarming people in restaurants," said one man in Iowa. "Just one simple, civilized duel, a couple o' bullets flying through the air, and you're done."

"Blam, blam, and you call it a day," he added.

At publishing time, a grassroots movement had called for a towering Thunderdome to be built in Washington, D.C., to return some semblance of civility to our national discourse.

Get Free Access To Our Brand New Site: Not the Bee

After creating The Babylon Bee in six literal days, Adam Ford rested. But he rests no longer. Introducing Not the Bee — a brand new humor-based news site run by Adam himself. It's loaded with funny content and all the best features of a social network. And the best part? Everyone with a subscription to The Bee gets full access at no extra cost.

Get FREE Access

*with premium subscription to The Babylon Bee

You must become a premium subscriber or login to view or post comments on this article.