WASHINGTON, D.C. — The nation is in shock today following reports of representatives in Congress showing up to work for the 4th day in a row. Sources in Washington say this may be a new record, as most members of the House are used to showing up maybe once or twice per month while spending most of their time drinking cocktails with lobbyists and talking to CNN. Medical personnel has been dispatched to the Capitol Building to tend to any elderly reps in attendance, who aren't used to working this hard, while experts warn many of them may not last through today's grueling 5-hour workday.
The House is expected to adjourn early today for the sake of any at-risk senior citizens.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
