U.S. — The results of a new Gallup poll reveal Americans are excited to finally have a new president for the first time in four years.
According to the poll, many Americans decided that having no President for the last 4 years was a terrible idea in retrospect.
"Whose idea was that anyway?" asked one citizen who was interviewed. "I think I like having a President in office better than having no President. That's just my personal opinion."
Per Article II of the United States Constitution, the President acts as commander-in-chief and head of the executive branch of the government, responsible for executing the laws written by Congress. But for four years the office had been entirely vacated as the nation was run by an invisible network of unelected bureaucrats.
"It was a scary time. One day we had a president, and then all of a sudden — poof — we didn't," said Nancy Cod of San Francisco, CA. "I thought, 'We should probably have a president once again!'"
An elderly man claiming to be the current sitting President has tried to tell several people that he lives at the White House and has been there this whole time, but these statements have been dismissed by many as outlandish.
"No, Jack! It's true! I'm an important man!" the man, later identified as Joe Biden of Delaware, said. "It's just like my buddies told me back when I drove a semi-truck through cannibal territory in — anyway. I wear a suit, by the way. Not a joke. I am a — look, we finally beat Medicare."
At publishing time, Americans expressed interest in having a real Congress again instead of 535 full-time fundraisers.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
