SPRINGFIELD, IL—As part of her daily routine, local mother of four Lauren Turner lurks in public places with her little ones and ambushes random strangers who mention that they’re even a little bit tired.
“OH, YOU’RE TIRED?” she bellowed at a 27-year-old single man while waiting in line at a grocery store, after seeing him quietly yawn. “PLEASE DO TELL ME ABOUT HOW YOUR 8 HOURS OF SLEEP MAKES YOU TIRED. I’LL WAIT.”
When it became clear that she would, in fact, wait for him to respond, he mumbled something about working two jobs and studying for his Master’s degree before fleeing the scene.
Later on that day, she saw a friend from church who recently had a baby. The mom stated that she was pretty tired from the baby’s irregular sleep patterns, causing Turner to sneer. “Just wait ’til you have four of them! THEN you can talk about being tired, sister! I tell you what.”
“YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT TIRED IS!” she screamed as the young mother fled in terror.
At publishing time, sources close to the situation had confirmed that Turner’s children haven’t slept in days, due to being too afraid to tell their mom that they’re tired.