MOUNT SINAI — Another set of stone tablets — purportedly bearing the commandments of God — was shattered to pieces after Moses walked in on an impromptu drag queen party being held by his people. The prophet, who previously destroyed an earlier set of commandments after walking in on the Israelites worshipping a golden calf for some reason, is currently being investigated for a possible hate crime.
So it was, as soon as Moses came near the camp, that he saw a drag queen twerking and children watching. So Moses' anger became hot, according to sources, and he yeeted the tablets out of his hands and broke them at the foot of the mountain. Again.
"Not again!" Moses cried as he tore his garments. "LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO!"
"Hey, relax!" said Starlight Rivqah, a fabulous and brave transvestite from the land of Canaan. "You were gone for 40 days! What did you expect?"
Aaron, the brother of Moses, was adamant that he had nothing to do with any drag queens and that it was all Miriam's fault.
When Moses questioned his sister she said, "They said to me, ‘Make us pretty with lots of makeup even though we be men; as for this Moses, the man who brought us out of the land of Egypt, we do not know what has become of him. Therefore, we should be as gay as possible.'"
At publishing time, Moses had trekked back up the mountain for the third time to meet with the Lord.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
