Cash-Strapped CNN Now Just Recycling Old Articles But Replacing 'Russian Collusion' With 'Ukrainian Scandal'
Politics · Oct 22, 2019 ·

ATLANTA, GA - Strapped for cash and failing in ratings, CNN has discovered an innovative new way to cut costs: simply rerunning articles from a year or two ago and replacing the phrase "Russian collusion" with an updated term, "Ukrainian scandal."

"This is a green, Earth-friendly way to recycle news stories," said a CNN rep. "We have discovered a completely carbon-neutral way to produce indefinitely renewable outrage."

CNN technical experts simply searched their website for any article about the Russian collusion hoax and replaced all references to Russia with references to Ukraine. 

Leftists have praised CNN's move, saying it is the most environmentally conscious way to report news stories. "Other news organizations are spending lots of resources and generating a ton of carbon by actually reporting on things that really happened," said one climate activist. "But CNN recycles their wild conspiracy theories every couple years, allowing us to reuse our old, beat-up sense of outrage for years to come."

CNN spokespeople say they look forward to recycling the stories with whatever new reason for impeachment they drum up well into Trump's second term.

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