CORUSCANT - According to sources within the Coruscant Health Administration (CHA), Jedi knights are increasingly refusing to get vaccinated from a galactic plague after a viral data tape rumor that it may contribute to decreasing midichlorian counts in men.
"It's a Sith conspiracy man," said Orbat Russo, a local Jedi peacekeeper in District 3. "I heard the data tape from Master Rogan about what these vaccines are doing to our midichlorian counts. Midichlorians continually speak to us, telling us the will of the force, so they're very important to my Jedi powers. I just can't take that risk."
According to archive historians, the Force used to be a cool, mystical, mysterious force but then scientists discovered it was all connected to midichlorians inside the cells and now the Force is completely lame. Still, Jedi rely on its powers to defeat their Sith enemies.
Spokesman for the CHA, Greeka the Hutt dismissed the rumors as a "deranged conspiracy theory," and has issued a mandate requiring all Jedi to be vaccinated or be expelled from the Jedi Order. He also asked Jedi to stop taking off-label Bantha dewormer.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
