WASHINGTON, D.C.—Education experts and policymakers are sounding the alarm today after a newly released study revealed that homeschoolers are eleventy-billion percent more likely to start their college careers shockingly unprepared for gender studies. According to teachers union officials familiar with the situation, homeschooling parents are neglecting to teach their children even the most basic principles of gender identity.
"An unprecedented number of poorly educated kids arrive at college actually identifying with their biological sex," said Dr. Xindri Pavlovix. "It's a concerning trend. These kids aren't learning the basic difference between biological sex and gender expression or identity. I asked one of my male students what his gender identity and preferred pronouns were, and he just stared at me with a dumb look on his face. Unbelievable!"
To ensure this disturbing trend is reversed, educators have suggested banning homeschooling entirely. Others have suggested going even further and just banning parents altogether. "Parents are an outdated relic of a patriarchal society," said Dr. Pavlovix. "They are endangering our kids and need to be removed from the home immediately."
When reached for comment on the situation, one local dad simply shrugged and continued his "Rifle Marksmanship and Constitutional Law" lesson to his 14 kids.
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