Politics
Trump Declares Lockdown Will Be Lifted For Everyone Except Hollywood Celebrities

WASHINGTON, D.C.—President Trump has announced a plan to reopen the economy and lift the states' quarantines on the citizens, but his plan applies only to regular Americans. Elite, Hollywood celebrities will remain quarantined indefinitely.

The president said the lockdown on smug, annoying Hollywood celebrities will continue indefinitely "for the good of the nation."

"For the good of everyone, we're going to reopen the economy -- but we'll keep the Hollywood celebs locked down in their mansions for a while longer," he said. "Once we can be sure their smugness and annoying, viral videos won't be spread to unsuspecting Americans, we can reopen Hollywood. But don't count on it happening any time soon."

Trump's recommended plan for reopening the economy calls for everyone to implement measures to start back up again in early May, and for Hollywood celebrities to continue to be kept under the strictest lockdown possible.

The plan was instantly met with rising stock prices and overall optimism across the nation, and Trump's approval rating skyrocketed to 103%. "Many are calling this the best plan, maybe ever," Trump declared.

Get Free Access To Our Brand New Site: Not the Bee

After creating The Babylon Bee in six literal days, Adam Ford rested. But he rests no longer. Introducing Not the Bee — a brand new humor-based news site run by Adam himself. It's loaded with funny content and all the best features of a social network. And the best part? Everyone with a subscription to The Bee gets full access at no extra cost.

Get FREE Access

*with premium subscription to The Babylon Bee

There are 9 comments on this article.

You must become a premium subscriber or login to view or post comments on this article.