INDIANAPOLIS, IN — A local mom was shocked to look up from her phone after a few minutes of harmless scrolling on TikTok to discover all her kids had grown up and the year was 2072.
Sources confirmed she had been scrolling aimlessly since the year 2024.
"Jill? Jason? Maveryyk? Where are you?" said the dazed woman in her now empty kitchen. "I just took a little break to watch a dance video, then a recipe video, then another dance video, then a cute baby goat video, then a dance video, then a dance video, then a dance video, then a dance video... oh no... how long have I been on TikTok?"
"I really need to take a break from this app for a while."
The mother was heartbroken to discover that while she had been scrolling, her three kids had grown up, graduated high school, left for college, and started their own families. Also, flying cars had been invented. "What a bummer," she thought. "I'm starting to think these social media apps might be slightly harmful."
At publishing time, the mother had entered the living room to find her husband had been arguing with Mark Cuban on Twitter for 48 years.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
