Minnesota Man Forced To Warm Himself In Tauntaun Carcass
Health · Jan 30, 2019 · BabylonBee.com

THIEF RIVER FALLS, MN - While out shoveling his drive Wednesday morning, local Minnesota man Carl Manders was forced to warm himself inside the carcass of his recently deceased Tauntaun, sources confirmed.

Manders got to the end of the drive and realized he would never make it back to the house alive. His tauntaun froze to death and collapsed on the spot. In a tough situation, he made the difficult decision to slit the beast open and slip himself inside its hot, steamy entrails. 

Before he headed outside, his wife reportedly warned him that his tauntaun would freeze before he reached the sidewalk, but he gruffly responded, "Then I'll see you in heck." Her warning turned out to be correct, however, and the Manders' tauntaun ranch is now short one of the magnificent beasts.

His only comment was "I thought they smelled bad on the outside."

After this historic cold wave, the family is reportedly considering moving to Mexico to raise rancors.

Ready to join the conversation? Subscribe today.

Access comments and our fully-featured social platform.

Sign up Now