WASHINGTON, D.C.—The second-ranking official in the United States government was literally thrown to the lions today. Vice President Mike Pence was caught violating a thirty-day executive order prohibiting anyone in the President's administration from praying to any form of deity other than President Trump himself.
According to the injunction, violators are to be immediately thrown into a den of hungry lions recently installed behind the White House.
Staffers witnessed Pence through an open upstairs window with his eyes closed, hands folded, and an open Bible on his lap. The incident was reported directly to Trump, and the president was forced to take action.
"It killed me to do it. Mike's a good man, a really good man. Or was," Trump said in a statement. "But rules are rules, and if they're not enforced, you got anarchy on your hands."
The vice president unapologetically admitted to breaking the edict and bravely accepted his fate.
After Pence was cast into the lions' den, Trump sealed the opening with the presidential signet, and there was a time of mourning and light refreshments in the Oval Office.
Trump is expected to check the lions' den tomorrow morning in hopes that the vice president has somehow survived.
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