U.S. - The nation's white women announced they would be joining the violent riots across the country after they learned that they could get free stuff at Target.

Though most suburban white women usually don't join these kinds of causes, they perked up when they learned that they could get all kinds of stuff from Target absolutely free if they were down with the struggle.

"I'm woke to the cause of, uh, what is it? Social justice? Yeah, that!" said Chloe Bunsen as she loaded up a cart in Home Goods. "I'm all for, you know, anti-police or whatever this thing is. Yeah!" She raised a fist into the air. "Peace! Love! Justice! All the things! Oh, look -- towels!"

Before Targets were being looted, only 2% of white, middle-class women were aware the protests were going on. But after Targets started getting broken into and stolen from, a full 94% of the same group instantly jumped into their Suburbans and peeled out to head to the nearest Target to protest "whatever the thing is."

The nation's white men are expected to hold out until Bass Pro Shops are being looted before they join arms with their oppressed brothers and sisters.

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