WACO, TX — What began as a fun-filled afternoon of living room hijinx ended in tragedy today, as a middle-aged father was left in intensive care at a local hospital after getting down on the floor to play with his young children.
"We're not able to say yet if he'll make it or not," said the man's doctor. "He's currently in stable condition, but the situation is still very much up in the air. Getting down on the floor and subsequently attempting to get back up resulted in the patient sustaining significant injuries to nearly every part of his body. We're hopeful he'll pull through, but it's very touch and go at the moment."
Witnesses said the man, aged 38, threw caution to the wind by getting down on the floor to interact with his kids. "He knew the risks," said the man's wife as she fought back tears. "I warned him about how dangerous it was, but he did it anyway. He's always been willing to do anything for the kids, no matter the cost. Now, he's lying in a hospital bed. I pray someday the kids will understand the tremendous sacrifice he made."
Though specific details regarding the man's condition were kept confidential, the doctor did disclose that the man had suffered significant damage to his knees from kneeling for only a matter of seconds on the hardwood floor of the living room.
At publishing time, family and friends had gathered to hold a candlelight vigil to pray that the man would soon regain consciousness.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
