Mid-Sermon Stomach Rumble Registers On Richter Scale
Church · Jun 5, 2017 · BabylonBee.com

ROCKFORD, IL - First Baptist Church of Rockford got a bit of a scare Sunday morning when a violent, deafening stomach rumble erupted from somewhere within the congregation about three-quarters of the way through pastor Brent Sherer's sermon, shaking the ground, rattling the building, knocking over all the stage props and various furniture throughout the church offices, and registering a 5.3 on the Richter scale.

"OK, nobody be alarmed, it'll pass quickly," Sherer is said to have assured his flock in the midst of the terrible shaking, just before the sound system went out. A few panicked screams and gasps were heard during the most pronounced undulations, as parishioners covered their ears to shield themselves from the earth-shaking noise emanating from within their midst. Within about 30 seconds, according to sources present, the monstrous stomach rumble had run its course and the ground was once again stable and stationary.

While there was some damage to surrounding buildings, multiple church members noted their gratitude to God that the Cracker Barrel down the street was unharmed, and they sped there for lunch after pastor Sherer ended the service early, so as to "not take any more chances," since the building structure was already significantly weakened.

The man or woman responsible for the quake has not come forward.

Thankfully, no injuries were reported.


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