MEXICO CITY - Trump recently announced new tariffs against Mexican products. Mexico was quick to retaliate by declaring a 50% increase in the spiciness of hot sauce shipped to the United States.

The measure is designed to get back at Trump for his trade war by burning the mouths of all the white people in the US. The country gets much of its salsa and hot sauce from Mexico, but a previous trade agreement had limited the spiciness of the hot sauce to a level that white people could bear. Mexico is no longer abiding by this agreement, threatening the health and safety of "the gringos."

"The foolish white people will feel our wrath," Mexican president Andrés Manuel López Obrador said. "I have issued an executive order to all producers of salsa that is exported to the US to increase the spiciness by a minimum of 50%."

"No mouth will go unburnt."

The president also ominously suggested he might withdraw the nation's army of taco trucks from coming across the border and serving delicious tacos, should Trump not relent.