SPRINGFIELD, MA—WallStreetBets has been banned from Reddit and Discord after conspiring to make money on the stock market, even though they are unworthy of such riches. Shortly after they were banned for "hateful and discriminatory content," the online dictionary Merriam-Webster quickly changed the official definition of "white supremacist" to "anyone who makes a lot of money in the stock market when they’re not supposed to."
"What WallStreetBets did was a clear hate-crime against hedge fund managers on Wall Street," said Chad Fishstick of Melvin Capital. "Trolls on the internet have a dark history of discrimination against black and brown indigenous people, as well as important hedge fund managers like us, and it must stop."
Sources inside Merriam Webster reported that after a quick call from a few Wall Street big-wigs, they quickly rushed to change the definition of "white supremacist" to fall more in line with modern understanding of the horrible phrase.
"We are always learning and evolving," said the dictionary's CEO Karthik Krishnan. "White supremacy is an ever-changing enemy, better understood as 'anything we don't like.' We remain committed to stamping out all forms of white supremacy, and making sure icky internet trolls don't get rich without our approval ever again."