U.S.—Medical experts were excited to announce today that Democrats have achieved herd immunity against sexual assault allegations.
After getting accused of sexual assault thousands and thousands of times for so many years, the Democrats developed some kind of antibodies against the allegations. Researchers are taking blood samples to isolate the antibodies to see if a vaccine can be developed for other groups.
"It's amazing -- the entire Democrat demographic is entirely immune," said one researcher as he took blood samples from Joe Biden. "After conspiring with the media to squash any accusations that pop up, it seems, over time, Democrats have been able to develop a kind of herd immunity to any allegations."
Biden has been an important case study for medical experts' work, as he can publicly sniff people's hair and inappropriately touch many people on camera and still be entirely protected from any accusation whatsoever. His DNA is being studied for a possible breakthrough for other politicians.
With time, other political parties may be able to use the vaccine, but for now, it seems only Democrats are immune. Other political parties and at-risk conservatives are being advised to quarantine so as to avoid any allegations until a vaccine is discovered.