NASHVILLE, TN — A local community Easter egg hunt ground to a halt yesterday as conservative commentator Matt Walsh kept jumping out from nearby bushes to inform the children that it's biologically impossible for a bunny to lay eggs.
"This is absurd. It's delusional. It's psychotic. You should be ashamed of yourselves," cried the popular Daily Wire host as he grilled young children with repeated and incisive questions, demonstrating definitively that they had not thought through the implications of believing bunnies could lay eggs. "How would you define a bunny? Because any sane biologist will tell you that no matter what kind of sick, twisted lies your parents tell you, the notion of a bunny laying an egg is ridiculous and immoral!"
Several terrified children were then seen running to their mothers.
Organizers of the egg hunt confirmed to local news that they had failed in their attempts to stop the bearded figure from growling out imprecations on the children, some of whom began weeping from the undeniable torrent of logical truth. Several kids continued crying even after Walsh explained to them that "truth is not bigotry."
At publishing time, the children at the local park escaped when Walsh paused his tirade to complete an advertisement reading for PureTalk, a conservative phone service provider, with promo code "WALSH" to save 20% on yearly fees.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
