Mark Hamill Joins Death Star Press Conference To Say What A Good Job He Thinks The Emperor Is Doing
Celebs · May 3, 2024 ·

DEATH STAR — Viewers of the Imperial News Network were stunned today, as Mark Hamill joined a Death Star press conference to say what a good job he thinks the Emperor is doing.

The surprise appearance, reportedly put together in an effort to shore up Emperor Palpatine's dwindling support throughout the galaxy, featured Hamill giving the Empire his official seal of approval.

"I hope the next two decades of his tyrannical rule are just as successful as his last two decades," Hamill said solemnly as he stood behind the podium. "No leader has ever ruled as well as the Emperor has. Everyone should ignore all the negative talk about falling wages, the deadly spice epidemic sweeping across the galaxy, unrest breaking out on every star system, and the continued flood of undocumented Gungans being transported to settle on other planets. Emperor Palpatine is the greatest leader this galaxy has ever had, and I'm proud to serve him faithfully."

A spokesperson for the Empire thanked Hamill for his endorsement. "The Emperor is honored to have Mr. Hamill's support," said Death Star Press Secretary Karibo Jen-Parassian. "He is a revered actor who is obviously an authority on which politicians everyone should side with. The Emperor is even considering making Mr. Hamill his newest apprentice."

Hamill later said he would do whatever he could to help Palpatine continue to crush his opposition and enforce rigid totalitarianism throughout the galaxy.

At publishing time, Hamill had reportedly asked for permission to hit the "FIRE" button when the Death Star destroys the next planet that dares to oppose the Emperor.

Babylon Bee subscriber J Swag contributed to this report. If you want to pitch your own headline ideas to our staff, click here to check out all of our membership options!

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