NEW YORK, NY—Climate activist and adolescent Greta Thunberg gave a passionate speech at the UN Climate Action Summit in New York, declaring, "How dare you? You have stolen my dreams and my childhood with your empty words, and yet I'm one of the lucky ones. People are suffering. People are dying. Entire ecosystems are collapsing."
"This is all wrong," she declared, clearly on the verge of tears.
Savvy viewers, however, noticed there were marionette strings attached to the 16-year-old throughout her speech.
"Hey, wait a minute!" one attendee shouted. "Those are puppet strings, kinda like on Thunderbirds!" This caused some uproar, with everyone tracing the strings to see who had brainwashed this young girl into thinking the world was ending and pulling her strings. Some people got bored with the speech after that and just went and watched Thunderbirds, which had more interesting puppets and better acting.
Security found the other end of the marionette strings hastily abandoned by whoever had been controlling her, and a man fitting the description of Al Gore diving off the fire escape into a private jet. Thunberg slumped down in her chair and shortly woke up out of her daze, angered and disappointed to find she had been exploited like this.
Breaking: Paypal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered Paypal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added Paypal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.