Mario Removed From 'Smash Bros.' Roster After Anti-Goomba Tweets Surface
Entertainment · Aug 14, 2018 ·

KYOTO, JAPAN - Mario's storied career may be coming to an end. After critics recently unearthed concerning, inflammatory anti-Goomba tweets posted by the Italian plumber, Nintendo has severed ties with the Mushroom Kingdom celebrity, removing him from the Super Smash Bros. Ultimate roster and 300 other upcoming games previously slated to star the surprisingly limber mustachioed hero.

Several years ago, Mario reportedly posted a tweet reading "The Mushroom Kingdom is being overrun by these nasty Goombas!!! #KillAllGoombas." He followed up the tweet with a lengthy thread in which he described his desire to violently assault Goombas in a variety of ways.

Footage was also uncovered of Mario stomping on Goombas' heads, spitting fireballs at them, hitting them with raccoon tails, throwing Koopa shells at them, and barreling through them while powered up with a dangerous drug known on the street as a "Power Star." To top it all off, several journalists found proof that Mario may have used a banned Warp Whistle to illegally skip several worlds in his defeat of Bowser in 1988.

NOA president Doug Bowser issued a statement: "Mario doesn't possess the quality of character we require as a respected video game developer. We apologize to all Goombas who were offended by his comments."

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