DULUTH, GA - Noting the significant amount of time and money it has taken to amass such a choice assemblage of theological works, local man Mike Carter announced Thursday that his impressive book collection is entirely ornamental.

"Here's Calvin's Institutes, and over here I have Systematic Theology and The Cost of Discipleship," Carter told reporters. "Look down there - I have a wide array of C.S. Lewis works right next to Augustine's Confessions. I've never read a single one of these. But they look awesome, right?"

The remarkable collection fills a large wooden bookshelf in his office, and he has many more theology books in other parts of his home. "I reserve this bookshelf for only my most important-sounding, impressive titles, none of which I have read," Carter confirmed.