SAN JOSE, CA — Local man Jeremy Gibbons' incredible hacky sack skills have somehow left him woefully unprepared for adult life.
Despite spending hundreds of hours throughout high school obtaining sick hacky sack skills, Gibbons has still found himself lacking in basic knowledge to navigate adult life.
"Being able to execute legovers and toe stalls just did not prepare me for making a budget," explained Gibbons. "I can do a dope cloud kick, but am totally lost when it comes to health insurance. It's disappointing. It feels like all that time I invested in hacky sack was for naught."
Gibbons, however, is not alone. Thousands of hacky sack aficionados have reportedly found themselves in Gibbons' shoes upon coming into adulthood. "I don't understand rent agreements. I understand footbag," said fellow hacky sack lover Andy Rodgers. "Kicking a crocheted sack filled with plastic pellets into the air has not translated into preparedness for the job market like I hoped. It's a struggle."
At publishing time, Gibbons had ruefully realized that his ultimate frisbee skills had also not readied him for grown-up tasks like courting a wife.
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