WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a touching moment, Senator Mitch McConnell honored his late friend and colleague, Lindsey Graham, with a solemn 47-day moment of silence.
According to sources, McConnell announced his heartfelt tribute through an elaborate system of blinks that doctors insisted were either involuntary muscle spasms or a touching message of tribute.
"...," McConnell said when asked to comment on the life and legacy left behind by Graham.
In addition to the moment of silence, which strangely started 27 days before Graham passed, McConnell declined to attend his friend's funeral. Reportedly, he will instead be spending the next six months at a rehabilitation clinic in memory of Graham.
When asked about McConnell's unorthodox form of mourning, an aide from his office simply answered, "Everyone grieves differently, even the dead," the insider said. "I mean, Mitch McConnell is alive. Very alive. Vibrant, even. Yes."
After hearing about McConnell's intense commitment to honoring his deceased colleague, President Donald Trump said, "I admire Mitch for honoring his friend, but I hope that when I die, he honors me by getting back to work. Do something, Mitch. Show us a sign. Blink twice if you want to pass the SAVE Act."
At publishing time, McConnell's office had also announced that he would be lobbying hard for launching a new war in the Middle East because it's what Graham would have wanted.
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