AFGHANISTAN — Members of the Al-Qaeda terrorist organization are reportedly kicking themselves for all of the work they did pulling off 9/11 when they could have just run for mayor of New York City.
Al-Qaeda leader (Emir) Saif al-Adel admitted to feeling quite jealous of Zohran Mamdani's success as mayor and wishes he had thought of it.
"Boy, do I have egg on my face. Let me tell you, it was a terrible idea in retrospect," Saif said. "All of my friend got killed, and I could have just run for mayor instead! Oy vey!"
Mohammad al-Rabbi, assistant to the emir, said, "You mean we could have just spent time going to school, networking with politicians, and fundraising millions of dollars to become mayor? That's way easier than flying a plane. I mean, they didn't have to learn to land it, but still."
According to terrorist experts, Mamdani is in a unique position to do a lot of damage over a sustained period of time, whereas 9/11 was kind of a "one and done" sort of thing. "Terrorists don't have much opportunity to inflict more damage when they're being invaded by the United States," said Harvard Professor Dr. Mumaden Jihad. "Besides, random explosions just don't inspire fear anymore. Not like politicians."
Older terrorists are said to be resisting the move towards politics, however. "There's just something romantic about a big explosion, you know?" said Mohammed Hassan. "Politics is just so messy. Way messier than stealing a nuclear bomb and setting it off in a major metropolitan city."
At publishing time, a despondent al-Adel had discovered that Gen Z didn't even believe Al-Qaeda was behind 9/11, leaving him wondering where along the road he had gone wrong.
The Babylon Bee finally exposes everything about the Jews in this documentary of hard-hitting investigative journalism.
