PINE BLUFF, AR — In what psychiatrists said can only be described as a true miracle, a man's depression was once again cured by watching Samwise Gamgee's famous speech from the end of The Two Towers, in which Sam encourages the despairing Frodo to keep holding on.
Jackson Mason, prone to despair when looking at the state of his life and the chaos in the world around him, had reportedly fallen into another funk where everything in life just seemed joyless, pointless, and not worth bothering with.
"What's the point of going forward?" groaned Jackson, according to sources. "Everything is just darkness and shadows, and evil is all around me. I feel nothing. Even my food tastes bland to me. Ugh."
One of Jackson's closest friends, Doug Linson, came to his rescue. "It sounded like he needed his medicine again," Linson said. "He thought there wasn't any drug that could cure what he was feeling, but I knew better. I've seen this with him before."
Linson pulled up a YouTube video of Samwise encouraging Frodo by telling him that the stories that really matter are all filled with darkness and danger, but, in the end, the shadow is only a passing thing, the darkness must pass, and a new day will come.
"Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back," said Samwise as the inspiring score by Howard Shore began to swell. "Only they didn't. They kept going, because they were holding on to something."
"What are we holding onto, Sam?" Frodo asks.
"That there's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo... and it's worth fighting for," Sam replies.
According to eyewitnesses, tears began welling in Jackson's eyes, but they were the joyful tears of a man ready to keep going forward, to keep holding on, while waiting for the darkness to pass.
At publishing time, the nation's psychiatrists were trying to figure out a way to distill the curative effects of Sam's speech into some sort of pill or topical cream that they could sell to make money now that the nation's men were just watching this scene instead of going to their weekly therapy session.
What happens when a politically divided family sit down for a "peaceful" dinner?
